Next Steps: Leverage Your Friendships

Maybe after reading my first blog you are slightly more inclined to open yourself to dating. Now the question is, what are your next steps?

One of my friends took his first step by sharing with his friends that he wanted to start dating. This worked well for him, because once he could have his community aware and on board with his goals, he had the support system he needed to succeed. Some reference groups you can talk to can be your sorority or fraternity, teammates, or youth group. No matter your choice of reference group, they have an impact on your evaluations, aspirations, and behavior (Babin, 2016, p. 156). I know for me, once I vocalize my goals to the reference groups I’m involved in, I am much more motivated to accomplish them, knowing they are supportive of me. After vocalizing his aspiration of dating, one of my best friends and I found a potential match in a mutual friend. We nudged him by using group influence, sharing the values of our mutual friend. Group members influence attitudes, opinions, and behaviors of others within in the group, and can make a large impact on your decisions (Babin, 2016, p. 157). He took our advice and took a chance. Today they are still together and over six months strong!

We have all heard of the term “wingman” before, originating from fighter jet pilots where the wingman’s job is to support and protect the leading pilot. How often does this technique applied to love work? According to this video, “Does Having A “Wingman” Actually Help You Get A Date?” there has been research done in support of having a friend with you when approaching potential partners. The old cultural norm, a rule that specifies the appropriate behavior in a given situation within a specific culture, in this case, modern dating in the United States, is that men usually approach women first and “make the first move” while the women are pickier when it comes to searching for potential soul mates (Babin, 2016, p. 180). Times are changing, and I can tell you that I was the first one to express interest in my boyfriend. Try to get out of your comfort zone and role expectations, the specific expectations that are associated with each type of person within a culture or society, and freely express your thoughts and feelings. It was scary putting myself out there, but once I realized that the only thing to lose was the feeling of being “rejected” I knew that I could handle it. I was rejected the first time. Tom told me that he didn’t see anything here. It was tough at first but we continued to be friends and it just gradually fell into more feelings on his end. Today we have been dating for more than a year!

Another technique is to go out with your friends in group settings. According to this article, research shows that people look better in group settings as the brain tends to “average out” the facial features of everyone in the group, making everyone look more attractive. So grab your girlfriends or bros and head out to the bars, you may never know who else is out there looking for love!

Babin, B., & Harris, E. (2016). In CB 7 (7th ed., pp. 27-29). Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.

Salt, R., Brown, G & Moffit, M. [asapSCIENCE]. (2016, May 25). Does Having A “Wingman” Actually Help You Get A Date? Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgTQD-v27QI

Dickerson, K. (2013, October 31). Barney Stinson's 'Cheerleader Effect' is real - People Look More Attractive in Groups. Business Insider. Retrieved March 09, 2017, from http://www.businessinsider.com/people-look-more-attractive-in-groups-2013-10